A Second Chance
by StarLightAtTheMoon
Summary: SongFic. AU. Anton is haunted by a mistake, and Steffan is making a decision. Rated T for angst and implied character insanity, not for the slash-pairing :P  Anton/Steffan Steffan/OC
1. Pt 1: Anton

**Pt. 1: I'm Not Without Regret; A Prosper Confession**

Summary: Anton has made a mistake and is haunted by it

Slash; if you don't like, don't read

Disclaimer: Characters of Masque of the Red Death belong to Wendy Pini, lyrics by Hammerfall

*text* = memory, dream

_text _= lyrics

* * *

><p><em>Sitting in my room, staring at the wall, I can't believe it's happening<br>Once so wonderful, now, life's a twisted kind of reality, a fantasy  
>Don't know where to begin<em>

_Saw your love for me vanish in a single moment of stupidity_  
><em>Nightmare this may be, but it is not a dream, ohhh, I want to scream<em>  
><em>A broken heart still bleeds<em>

_Never ever talk, never ever smile, knowing that my life won't be the same_  
><em>Never ever touch, never ever feel, I will never hear you call my name... again<em>

He was alone, or no that was wrong to say when the whole mansion was filled with people, but sitting in the armchair staring into the fire he felt as if there was only him on the whole island.

With the lab assistant's help he'd uncovered the formula, the answer for eternal life and with that eternal youth, and he'd shared it with him. It hadn't been because Steffan had been there to help him with the discovery, but because he wanted him by his side. Forever. And it had appeared that's what Steffan had wanted too, but he guessed that he was wrong.

Like with his mother, Anton could have told Steffan to leave, that his time there was over, but he'd let him stay. Anton had made room for him in his life as well as in his home. He'd done everything to keep him satisfied.

But something went wrong, it must have because now Steffan was gone.

Anton got up from the armchair and made over to the fireplace, where he crouched down in front of the dancing flames. He was sitting close enough to the fire, that if he leant forward just a little he'd get burnt, but he didn't feel the warmth from them. As if when Steffan had left he'd taken the warmth that had been lent to the mansion, to his life, at his arrival and it had escaped with him only to leave the cold ghosts of their time together behind to taunt Anton.

He rose and turned his back at the flames. He realised that what he felt now, he had brought it on himself. He could have handled it better…

_*He didn't know that the other man had entered the tent till the soft voice said his name._

_"Anton… Come outside," he said._

_Leaning back against the beam behind him holding the woman in his arms, he lazily glanced at Steffan._

_"Where?" he asked, his breath labored._

_"Anywhere. Away. I'm… _Lonesome_."_

_"Join us," Anton offered._

"No. _I'm lonesome for_ you_! Come outside!"_

_"Later… Perhaps."_

_Anton hadn't seen it coming, yet he had, but didn't show the slightest bit of surprise when Steffan dropped all pretence and gave a display of his overactive feelings._

"What are you doing_?" Steffan said raising his voice, drawing attention to them. "Since we were kids we've watched others degrade themselves. They made me_ laugh. _Why aren't_ you _laughing? You're above all this – we both are!_ 'Gods' _Anton! Remember."_

_An amused smile curved Anton's lips as he watched the other man._

_"Ah, but gods dwell on any level they wish!" he pointed out. "As for me-" A young man moved up next to him sliding in within the embrace of his arm, and Anton leant in to kiss him before turning back to Steffan. "-I've arrived at a level of comfort that in some ways I am, indeed, my father's son."*_

It's so very easy, some time afterward, to see just where you went wrong, what you should and should not have done. You know every word you should have said, every thing you shouldn't have done. But it's too late now, Anton thought. He'd done what he shouldn't have done, and he never said what he should have said, and now the only person he'd ever let close was gone.

He found that now when Steffan wasn't around anymore he was starting to miss those little things that he wouldn't have noticed before. Things as simple as the soft melody of his voice, his smile when thinking something to amuse him (or the smile's sarcastic cousin in those moments). He missed finding his beautiful lover engrossed in his thoughts, a thoughtful look on his face that made him appear lovelier than ever.

_In my dreams I see, see you come to me, a memory of times of old  
>Waking up, I realize Hell's as cool as ice, and the touch of sin did get me in<br>Nothing burns like the cold_

_Never ever talk, never ever smile, knowing that my life won't be the same_  
><em>Never ever touch, never ever feel, I will never hear you call my name... again<em>

At night Anton would have the same returning dream, as deceptive in luring him as it was true to the memory, that only made the ache in his heart worse.

_*He was standing in a hallway illuminated by the moon alone, which silver light shone in through the big windows bathing the man and the space around him. From somewhere, it sounded like further down the corridor, he could hear a chuckling laugh. He headed in the direction and caught a glimpse of silver turning a corner._

_"Steffan!"_

_In response a head peeked around the corner looking back at Anton, eyes sparkling and an excited smile curving the lips. Yes, these games that Steffan was so in love with were childish, but Anton couldn't help but humor him. To see him so happy… Besides, like Steffan he hadn't had many chances to play when he was a child, so why not?_

_Anton hurried down the corridor and the head was withdrawn again. He followed and rounded the corner just in time to see the tips of the long hair disappear as Steffan left the corridor to enter another passage. Anton smiled, he knew that it was a dead end._

_"Where can you be?" he murmured softly as he entered the passage where Steffan had gone. And there was the light laughter again, telling Anton that his lover was hidden there somewhere. Around him it was empty all the way to the wall five meters ahead, but he did knew about the niche which appeared to have been found by Steffan as well._

_Stepping forward, casually approaching the inevitable wall, when he stopped beside a tapestry on his left. He reached out and grabbed it, and after a moment of waiting he abruptly pulled it aside, to reveal the beautiful being standing hidden behind it._

_Taken by surprised, Steffan gave a little gasp staring at him with eager but startled widened eyes, but seconds later a smile formed on his lips. A shadow of the smile was mirrored on the Anton's face as he moved into the niche having the tapestry falling back in place behind him. He halted for a split second, stunned by the sight before him; the beautiful being surrounded by darkness and haloed by silver-white hair luminous in the dark._

_He closed the distance and snaked his arms tightly around Steffan, who willingly let Anton lean in to claim his reward for the find…*_

Anton tried to smile at the thought of the dream, but the smile turned into an agonized grimace. Why did the dream, the thoughts, bother him so much? Why did they mean so much to him?

He turned around on his heels and flung the still half full glass into the fire place where it shattered spilling the contents into the fire, making the flames grow when fueled by the alcohol. Anton stared at the fire, his teeth gritted and breathing hard.

It wasn't right that he would have to suffer this way.

_As we sin, so do we suffer  
>I've fallen from grace<br>Want to turn back time and make it undone!_

Unthinking, steps hurried, Anton crossed the room and dashed through corridors and hallways without any thought of direction, trying to outrun dreams and memories and everything that had been building in his mind lately. But no matter how fast or how far he moved, there it was breathing down his neck.

A woman walking down the corridor toward him, smiled and made to say something, but Anton didn't stop to listen, he didn't see her. He saw Steffan.

He was running ahead of him, every now and then looking over his shoulder at Anton. But he wasn't smiling like he used to, on his face revulsion was written. Anton followed him, felt that he had to catch up with the other, that he had to explain his actions, so that Steffan would understand that Anton hadn't meant to hurt him.

"Steffan, wait! I can explain!" Anton called out to his lover.

But the elusive figure didn't stop nor did he slow down.

"Steffan!"

The fleeing man running ahead disappeared through a pair of glass doors, a moment later Anton passed through too and he was staring straight at the golden statue placed in the middle of the pond.

_Never ever talk, never ever smile, knowing that my life won't be the same  
>Never ever touch, never ever feel, I will never hear you call my name<br>Never ever talk, never ever smile, all I see: a future full of fear  
>Never ever touch, never ever feel, I can never whisper in your ear...<em>

He walked up to the pond, while staring at the golden figure, and rounded it so that he was face to face with it. A wide excited smile formed on his lips as he looked upon the angelic face.

"You're here," he said, a light chuckle to his voice. "I knew you'd let me explain."

Anton looked to the golden face, and his eyes grew when he saw the thoughtful smile on the statues face turned into a frown and the golden man turned to look at the man standing before him. A golden eyebrow rose slightly and the playfulness that had been in the eyes was replaced with resent.

"Why would I listen to any explanation of yours?" the golden lips spoke with Steffan's voice. "You made a fool out of me! They were laughing at me, and you did nothing but standing there with a smile on your face approvingly."

Anton sank to his knees, stroke down by the accusation that was unleashed on him.

"Steffan, I-"

"I thought I could trust you, like you expected trust from me, but you just couldn't remain faithful you just had to sleep with anything that wouldn't say no!"

The smile long gone, Anton sat on the ground his head bent down tears rising in his eyes to fall down his cheeks.

"Starting to feel regret now, are you?" the statue taunted him. "Well, guess what…" Anton turned his tear-streaked face to look up at the golden face. "… It's too late!"

Anton fell over and lay on the ground shaking while tears spilled on the ground. He glanced back up at the statue and saw that the facial expression was back to playful thoughtfulness, and his heart broke from the sight of the breathtaking beauty of a the lover that he had forever lost.

With a final effort before the oblivion of sleep embraced him, he whispered:

"Steffan..."

_…I'm sorry_

"...I'm sorry."


	2. Pt 2: Steffan

**Pt. 2: Where I Draw the Line; A Kabala Decision**

Summary: Steffan makes a decision

Disclaimer: All characters and places recognizable from Masque of the Red Death belong to Wendy Pini, lyrics by Hammerfall

_Text_= lyrics

_*Text*_= memory

* * *

><p><em>Our sun is set, our day is done<br>I'm left here wondering  
>Is this the end, my final words to you<br>Day turned to night  
>Now you're gone I'm left here pondering<br>Can this be true, are we really through?_

_You were the wind beneath my wings_  
><em>Taught me how to fly<em>  
><em>With you, I lived among the kings<em>  
><em>How could this ever die?<em>

-Earlier-

He left the beach and returned to the mansion, uncaringly ignoring the people calling after him. They didn't matter to him right now.

The one thing that _did _matter was that Anton had finally gone too far.

Standing in the great hall below the Rainbow Suite he looked around, an intense feeling of lost growing in him. How would he go on from this? That was a decision he thought he wouldn't have to make – at least not on this issue…

His eyes found the chamber farthest to the left, the Black Chamber of Choice, what would be more appropriate for his purpose?

Steps unhurried Steffan moved to climb the stairs, a grace to his movements like the smooth strides of a feline in spite of the turmoil within him. But when he stood at the entrance of the Chamber, he hesitated to go any further. In there was where the private ceremony, when the attomons had been injected, had taken place.

_*That night the chamber was illuminated by the light of many candles grouped together around the chamber, the flickering flames making the shadows dance around them. Standing in front of the big red stained glass window was a couple, they were wearing robes – the one clad in blue the other gold - and they were facing each other._

_"This is not for the world," the man in blue said. "This is_ our_ secret, yours and mine – for _all time_. Do you understand?"_

_The other man met his gaze._

_"Everyone's had a piece of me," he said, not all too proud by the confession but feeling that it would be right to be honest as Anton had been honest with him all the way there. "But now… to have something one else will ever have… to know something no one else will ever know – is to be born anew."_

_Anton watched him for a moment, giving thought to his lover's words, then he turned to the table standing a little to the side and picked up an instrument. He turned back to Steffan who was watching the thin-looking thing in the other's hand._

_"First the chips monitored by the immaculate computer I created for the sole purpose," Anton said bringing the instrument to Steffan's upper arm, after which Steffan did the same to Anton. "They'll keep the attomons functioning perfectly when we're away from Penumbra," Anton continued. "We can travel the world, having to return only once a month for a… tune-up, shall we say." The thin instruments put aside Anton reached for another one, the injector. "And now… the_ attomons_." Anton gave him a piercing look. "Are you sure?"_

_"This is the Chamber of Choice," Steffan replied calmly. "I've chosen!" He eased the robe from his shoulders. "_Do it_!"*_

He closed his eyes to the memory and when he opened them again, Steffan noticed that he'd entered the chamber and was standing in its midst his eyes gazing upon the stained glass windows.

His gaze started to wander about, marking locations in the now stripped down chamber; he easily found where the many candles had been placed, glancing about he found where the fire had been burning in its hearth, and where a comfortable bed of soft blankets and pillows had been set up.

Now, though, it was empty and undecorated as there was no purpose of use, and like Steffan's vision of a future where he and Anton would _truly_ live happy _ever after_, the image of that one perfect night faded back to his memory - the one place where it would be alive and cherished.

Heart aching Steffan moved over the cold mosaic floor to stand in front of the portrait of Anton Prosper the third, the long dead man staring down at him.

*_'I've arrived at a level of comfort that in some ways I am, indeed, my father's son'_*

"That's really what you want to be, Anton?" he said, his voice a mere whisper. "On the outside an everlasting young man, but on the inside a fucked-up man dying before his time? A man that you've always despised?"

Of course there was no response, but, probably a trick of the light he thought, the smile on Sr.'s face seemed to widen slightly as if gloating.

He lowered his gaze, ashamed even to admit defeat to a painting.

"If that's truly what you want, then I don't have any place here with you."

As the realization hit him, he staggered and had to catch himself against the wall, tears rising in his eyes and spilling down smooth golden cheeks.

_We were one, we were all, we were the only  
>Future full of hope, nothing could stand in our way<br>But dreams can change, visions fall, I feel so lonely  
>I would walk through fire for just one more day<em>

_You were the angel of my life_  
><em>Taught me to be free<em>  
><em>Now I'm a stranger in your eyes<em>  
><em>Walls are closing in on me<em>

Leaning against the wall for support he made his way out of the chamber, or would have done so if he hadn't come to a dead halt by the door to the secret lab. Steffan stared at the door and before the thought had crossed his mind his fingers sought the trigger to open it.

He picked his way down to the lab, walked past the cage still standing on a table - the rat inside it lifting its head to look at the man as he passed – without sparing it as much as a glance and headed for _the_computer. Standing in front of it his thoughts had caught up with him and they'd regrouped to form into a plan. Steffan would make him suffer, if only for a while, let him know how it felt to be betrayed – when trust was being broken.

_*Outstretched belly-down, Steffan was lying out on the terrace under the warm sun holding a holo-screen on which he was flipping through a collection of images. He stopped at one and gazed upon it, this image getting far more attention than any other._

_Anton, who'd been sitting watching him now silently come up behind him, looked at the picture as well noticing that Steffan paid more attention to the figure on that particular image than other ones, and he didn't like it. Close scrutiny of the image revealed that looking back at him was a young attractive man, who when the picture had been taken was, smiling sleepily at the camera, lying in a bed a blanket lazily draped over his waist and thighs._

_"Who is he?" Anton said, forcing his voice to stay calm._

_"A friend."_

_The very one that had saved him from his mother's plans of turning him into a whore, as soon as she'd revealed her plans to him he'd left home and sought out his friend – and later lover – who had let him in._

_"And the picture?"_

_"I took that," Steffan said dreamily. "It was a beautiful and warm summer morning and I happen to wake up before him. He looked so peaceful in his sleep and I wanted to make the moment last forever. But just as I was to take the picture he opened his eyes and gave me that look." Steffan tilted his head. "It made the picture even better."_

_"He's your ex?" Anton posed it as a question, but it really wasn't._

_"Mm…" his lover replied._

_"So why are you keeping his picture?"_

_Steffan blinked and turned away from the screen, a frown creasing his brow._

_"What are you getting at?" Steffan asked. "It's just a picture."_

_"A picture of your lover, who you were with for… _how long_?"_

_"Since I was fifteen."_

_"So for a good _eight years_…"_

_Steffan felt his temper rising, till he realized the cause for Anton's behavior._

_"You're jealous."_

_Anton opened his mouth to deny the statement, but closed it again without any sound passing over his lips. He looked away._

_Smiling affectionately Steffan rose and went to stand directly in front of him, placing his hand on Anton's cheek turning his face back so their eyes met._

_"Why would you be jealous? He's my_ past_. You're my _present_ and my _future_, and you'll still be when he's long gone; taken by age."_

_Not completely convinced Anton looked back to the holoscreen still displaying the picture, at the bottom of which words was written by a hand he was sure not to be Steffan's._

_"_'You are the one, and you always will be'_," he read aloud and then he looked back to Steffan. "So, he doesn't _mean anything_?"_

_"We spent almost eight years together, of course there are a lot of feelings involved, but I left him to be with you. Don't you trust me?" He gazed into the hazel eyes searching for an answer within their depths. "Anton?" he said inquiring. His lover met his stare for yet another quiet moment, before he diverted his eyes and moved past Steffan to stand by the terrace railing. "_Anton_!"_

_"I – I wasn't raised to be overly trusting," Anton replied silently. "My father always told me that everybody has a reason for which they seek you out, because they want something, no matter what they say."_

_Steffan went up to stand next to him, staring intently at the face, which dark eyes was staring out over the island._

_"You can trust me," Steffan said, his voice trembling with emotion. "I'm not going to betray you."_

_Finally Anton turned to face him._

_"Can you really promise that?" he wondered, doubt in his voice mixed with cautious curiosity. "That you won't _ever_ betray?"_

_"I promise you that, whatever happens, I _will not_ betray you," his fair-haired lover said without a second of hesitation.*_

And he'd kept the promise, remained faithful, resisting the temptations that had sought his attention, while seeing his lover steal away with others.

Angry tears rolled down his cheeks and he raised his hand to look upon the memory chip he was holding in his hand. It would be a perfect revenge – to strike where he knew it would hurt the most. He inserted the chip, but a voice far back in his mind stopped him from doing any more.

_'Hurting him won't make it undone,'_ the little voice said. '_It won't make your feelings of hurt go away.'_

Steffan stood undecided for a long while, before he started to move slender fingers over keys. When done he extracted the chip from its slot and tenderly placed it on the tabletop in front of him. Then he turned to leave.

_When I turn to the east, I see no dawn  
>But after darkness comes the light<br>When I turn to the west, the silent night hides all  
>Where is the light that shines so bright?<em>

Instead of leaving through the same way he'd come, which would take him back to the Black Chamber and that meant that he would have to face everybody again, he took the other way, the back door, out of the lab.

He picked his way out of the mansion, carefully avoiding being seen by any of the staff, to arrive to the private dock where a boat was waiting and that would take him back to the mainland. The engine running he looked over his shoulder at the indigo sky where glittery patterns in different colors appeared accompanied by loud cracking sounds as firework shot into the air.

"I'm sure you meant well," Steffan said as he turned his back to the island, the mansion, Anton and their life together. "For a while."

* * *

><p>Sitting in the taxi, he looked out through the window, his thoughts was erratic and going in all direction. He wondered if Anton had found the chip yet, if he'd seen its contents - and then how had he reacted? If he reacted to it at all. And then he also wondered if Anton had even noticed that he was gone, or was he too busy with the party and the guests?<p>

Steffan sighed and leant forward to bury his face in his hands.

"Things not going your way?" he heard the driver say.

A smile he couldn't explain, he guessed that it was the tension, hurt and all other feelings lately that had taken their toll, slipped onto his lips and he had to stifle the laughter that rose in him.

"It's complicated," he replied straightening up again. "But I'm hoping that now when I've put some distance between me and the… _troubling stuff…_I can start over again."

The driver nodded not responding as the young man had turned to look out through the window again, seeming as lost in thoughts as he had been moments earlier.

Steffan looked out at familiar structures, and as he approached he found himself getting nervous – anxious about what kind of welcome he would receive once he arrived. He hoped that there wouldn't be any hard feelings and that he would be welcomed back.

_So I say farewell, I'm yours forever  
>And I always will be<em>

Anton scanned the surroundings with his eyes, but didn't find what he was searching for.

Where was Steffan?

His eye caught sight of a familiar short blue female among the guests and he made over to her.

"Have you seen Steffan?" he asked her.

She looked surprised, and then her expression changed as she gave his question consideration.

"No, I don't think I've seen him tonight," she said puzzled.

"Me neither," Anton said frowning. "Not since…"

His voice trailed off and he turned away, the inquiring look on Bunchh's face unseen by him.

Anton left the beach and made back inside the mansion, too much into his mind to notice the looks and words following him. Entering he searched with his eyes till he found Chief Attendant Wharder approaching.

"Have you seen Steffan tonight?" Anton asked as the other came in level with him.

"Yes," the Attendant replied. "I saw him head for, and into, the Black Chamber." He looked at Anton in silent concern. "He looked sad."

Anton didn't reply, but walked past the other man, making his way straight for the chamber to, at entering, find it empty.

His gaze went to the door leading down the secret lab, and he hurried in the direction to push the trigger for the door to open. On the other side of the door it was as quiet as in the chamber he'd left, and as he reach the lab he found it as empty and quiet, nothing seemed to have been disturbed. Although…

Across the room, on a table, a object was laying. He was sure that he hadn't left it there, he wasn't letting things lie around, and who else had been down here - who else knew about the lab? There could only have been one person who had left it there.

Crossing the lab he picked up the object, a memory chip, and after having observed it curiously he inserted it in the computer and felt his heart drop at the contents of the single file stored on the chip.

* * *

><p><strong>I love you, but clearly it's not enough to make it work between us. All I wanted was for you to love me back, but you were unable to do that.<strong>

**So I'm leaving.**

**It might seem that I'm, by leaving this message instead of telling it to your face, taking the easy way out, but this is in no way easy.**

**When coming here I had no idea of the feelings that would grow within me and I was surprised when I found that I was in love with you. I even left my long-term boyfriend to be with you. That's what I did when briefly leaving Penumbra. That's how much fate I had in our relationship.**

**You made me promise that I would be faithful, I didn't feel that it was necessary as I wouldn't want anybody else but I did anyway because I wanted you to know how strongly I felt for you, just your trust didn't go far, did it? Then you wouldn't have acted the way you did.**

**Before leaving I'm accessing the computer, not to make the changes I first thought to, but to turn off the attomons. If not I would forever be reminded of you and I don't think I could handle that. Then I would rather live one lifetime with someone who truly loved me.**

**So, I'm saying farewell, I would have been yours forever.**

**Steffan**

Anton re-read the words, hoping that they would have another meaning the second time, but only to have his heart breaking even more.

He'd been a fool.

_Missing you in my heart, you are the one  
>And you always will be<em>

He stood outside the door as he had for the five minutes since he'd got there, undecided whether this was a good idea. But finally he raised his hand and knocked on the door in front of him.

Anxiety ripping through him, he waited for what seemed like forever before it opened and a familiar face came into view.

"I understand that you probably didn't expect to see me here on your doorstep," Steffan said as the other silently gazed at him. "And I'm sorry if it cause you inconvenience, seeing to the way we parted. But I need somewhere to stay."

He was greeted by a smile and the other stepped aside to let him in.

"I hoped that you'd come back," the young man said as Steffan walked passed him. "I've missed you."

"I've missed you too."

He was home now, _the one place_ where he'd truly felt safe, and back with _the one person_ he'd always felt safe around. Maybe this was where he belonged…


End file.
